Big Decisions

Life is full of them. Sometimes they are easy or even fun, but other times they are difficult and stressful. Unfortunately I am at the difficult/stressful decision making time.

Just so that this post does not become a looooong draaaaawn out experience for everyone, I will try my darnedest to keep this short and sweet. Not an easy feet!

So here's the deal. I stopped my Enbrel when we got our BFP. (Big Fat Positive- pregnancy test) This was a decision Jeff and I had discussed for months, prior to conceiving. I would stop it and cross my fingers I would go into pregnancy induced remission. No such luck. Sigh. At 9 weeks I was a total and utter arthritic wreck. My RA has been completely under control for so long that the build up of each new ache and pain over the last few weeks was wearing me thin. Finally the Friday before last was a very low point. I awoke with a very tender and swollen spine, something new to me in all my years with RA. It was so tender I couldn't lean back in a chair. I was in agony, my knees where weak and swollen which made it hard and painful to stand, my elbows were stiff especially it the night and I would wake up crying out every time I tried to roll over. There's more but I'm not looking for sympathy, oh but cash would be great, and presents! Presents will make me feel soooo much better! Ummmm Ok, where was I? Oh ya...

After waiting a week to hear from my Rhuemy to no avail I contacted my OBGYN. You see when pregnant with RA you are given two options, no drugs or Prednisone. I HATE prednisone, I won't get into why, I will just say I will not take it again...sort of, but those details will come later. Instead Jeff and I made the very hard decision-hence the title, that I would continue with the Enbrel. **Insert doctors gasps and looks of concern here.**

The controversy is that Enbrel has only been on the market for 9 years. And even though the few studies that have been done, show no adverse effects on fetuses and babies, there is the "unknown" factor in regards to growing children. I weighed all the info I could find against the "known" Prednisone risks and decided I was more comfortable with Enbrel. And after some research and discussion, my OB agreed. **Insert cheering crowd here**

It's a bitter sweet victory really, with no real great options. All I know is that if my health spirals down hill, then how can that possibly be good for my unborn child. With that said I met with my new Perinatoligist last Mon and we discussed trying to get through the first trimester without another shot. Yes I took one that Friday night when my OB gave me the thumbs up and WOW did it ever make a difference! But here I sit 9 days later, trying to hold off on another shot, (normally once a week) but the pain and stiffness is coming back in full force. I need my fix...haha. Seriously though, I don't think I will make it through the week. It sucks really. I wouldn't wish this predicament on anyone!

But with all that said, I know in my heart that we will have a happy healthy baby and mom will be fine too!

P.S. My mothers instinct says it's a boy. Hopefully we'll find out next month. We have no preference either way and since I'm not a mommy already my "instinct" may just be gas. Ha!